Wedding
Anniversaries for One
by
Gail Kavanagh
Some marriages
are meant last forever, but when one partner dies, wedding anniversaries
can be a poignant time. How do you celebrate a momentous anniversary
such as a silver or gold one when one partner has passed on and
one is still grieving?
When my father
died in 1981, my mother entered a new stage of her life. It has
proved to be as happy and fulfilling as her married years, but
she chose to remain faithfully married and to celebrate subsequent
anniversaries in the same way as before. To the rest of her family,
these wedding anniversaries have taken on a new meaning. For us,
they have become celebrations of the faith and fidelity of true
soul mates.
Just three
years after he died, my mother faced her fiftieth anniversary
alone. It was an occasion she had been looking forward to so much
and one we had been planning for a decade. It could have been
one of her saddest days. Instead it was joyous.
We bought
cards and presents with a golden theme, and decorated her apartment
in gold streamers and balloons. Among the gifts was a picture
of my father in a golden frame, a tea set with a golden trim,
and a small gold bell that could be rung at the same hour as her
wedding.
But while
the presents glittered, they couldn’t outshine the golden
memories that we shared of a husband, father and grandfather.
One of the
tasks we set for ourselves was to sort through decades of photos
and create scrapbooks of those memories with personal journaling
from those who knew him. My scrapbook project was based around
the John Lennon song "In My Life" with photos of the
various stages of my parents’ life together starting with
their courting days during World War II.
This celebration
helped my mother to rebuild her new life alone sure in the knowledge
that the man she had loved would not be forgotten and that his
legacy would remain strong for his grandchildren, some of whom
he would never know, and his great grandchildren, whom he did
not live to see.
In the West,
we tend to hush death up and hide it away, fearful of its effect
on the living. But in other cultures, the dead are welcomed to
remain in the memories of the living and are treated with honor.
So don’t be afraid of a looming significant anniversary
when one beloved partner has passed away. Celebrate the love that
remains alive and well.
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